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6 things I would never put in a profile

  • Amy Nobile is a New York-based dating coach who charges $20,000 to work with her.
  • Nobile says she would never include selfies, voice notes or videos on a dating profile.
  • She would never lead with negativity in a biography or written prompt because it disables matches, she said.

In 2019, Amy Noble based Love, Amya service dedicated to helping singles build their dating app profiles and find long-term compatibility.

Nobile works one-on-one with singles to teach them how to create their profiles, start conversations on dating appsensure quality matches and find meaningful relationships.

noble said she uses smart tablets with special software that allows him to connect to his clients’ dating app profiles at the same time as them. This leads to a collaborative experience, where she can see her clients’ common missteps and suggest new ways to date. For $20,000, clients get four months of coaching from Nobile.

Since Nobile sees an average of seven clients per month, she knows the elements that make a profile stand out, for better or for worse.

She told Insider which photographs, phrases and prompts she never includes in her client profiles, and why they’re best left out, to ensure you get the right matches.

Photos older than 4 years

When Nobile looks at its customers’ existing dating app profiles, it immediately deletes photos that are more than four years old. She said current photos will give other singles the clearest idea of ​​who you are and avoid incompatibilities.

If you’re someone who likes to constantly change your look, like your hair color or length, Nobile suggested including photos that show your propensity for change.

“If you change your hair color from blue to red to pink to brown, or if you shave half of your head and then push it back, then go for it. It doesn’t really matter because it makes part of who you But if you’ve worn your hair waist-deep all your life, and you literally cut it all off last week, you’re going to have to take some new pictures,” Nobile said.

If you can’t find recent photos you like and find yourself wishing you looked like you years ago, Nobile says to take a break from dating apps.

“That doesn’t mean it’s forever. It could be a month where you just commit to really witnessing your negativity and where it’s coming from,” Nobile said.

When her clients are in a crisis like this, she tells them to take five minutes to meditate, then 10 minutes to write down five things they are grateful for and five things they want in their life. She said the practice can build self-compassion so you can present yourself authentically on apps and during dates.

Photos with sunglasses or hats

Nobile said he noticed people trying to hide their physical appearance in their dating profile pictures, using sunglasses, wide-brimmed hats or their hair as shields.

Whether it was intentional or not, Nobile said to ditch the props for a clearer image. It may seem more vulnerable, but it’s useful for finding people you’ll click with, she said.

“We want to be able to see the sparkle in your eyes,” Nobile said.

Group photos with more than three people

While it’s nice to show how much you enjoy spending time with friends and family, group photos often confuse potential matches, Nobile said.

Someone might not be able to tell you apart from a massive group photo, which is a waste of photography.

Nobile said you should never make another dating app user “work” while viewing your profile. That’s why she said to only use photos with up to two loved ones in order to be easily identifiable.

Selfies and mirror images

According to Nobile, mirror images and selfies can seem immature. Moreover, they often give a “distorted” view of the subject, which is not ideal for a profile.

If you want to convey your light personality, Nobile suggested replacing your selfie with an intentional photo taken by your friend.

She suggested doing an activity you enjoy, like karaoke, throwing a costume party, or just dancing around your kitchen and capturing the moment for your profile.

Videos and voice recordings

Dating apps regularly add new features, claiming they’ll improve connection, but Nobile isn’t a fan.

She said voice notes and videos on profiles are usually more distracting than engaging.

“They’re another thing that they have to analyze and it just becomes this multimedia puzzle where people are like, ‘Ugh.’ They kind of give up,” Nobile said.

She added that people tend to use these features to inject humor into their profiles, but that can get lost in translation on a two-dimensional profile.

“Even if you try to be serious, they can get too serious and goofy. Or if you try to be funny, it can be like, ‘Oh my god, that’s weird,'” Nobile said.

Instead, she suggested saving your jokes for the first date and sticking to photos and text.

Prompts or bios that lead to negativity

If a customer uses their profile to explain qualities or behaviors they don’t like, Nobile said it removes those mentions.

She said being negative on your profile, whether it’s a prompt that says “You shouldn’t be dating me if…” or a point of view or hobby you don’t support, is a Huge hurdle for potential matches.

Instead, she suggested focusing on three categories of prompts: one that tells matches about you and what you stand for, one that tells about what you search for on apps, and one that shows your humor and your light side.

“I don’t think people use prompts to really talk about who they are and what they want enough,” Nobile said.